The Gift
by ecv
Summary: A continuation of a 12 days of Christmas chapter. Booth struggles to buy Brennan a Christmas gift the year he is with Hannah.


_The first part is a reprint of the 12 days of Christmas challenge, continued at the request of a reviewer. After that, it's Booth and Brennan. This is angsty and kind of sad, so if you aren't into that, stop reading now. Don't say I didn't warn you._

 _As usual, I don't own Bones._

"Are you all done Christmas shopping, Agent Booth?" Sweets asked. He and Booth were on the way to interview a suspect in their latest case. Outside the windows of the SUV, the day was dark and dreary. The local station had indicated that heavy rain was on the way for later in the evening.

"I am, but I'm not," Booth said shortly, trying to stall any further conversation. This was a topic he'd been struggling with for several days and the last person he wanted to discuss it with was the man in the passenger seat.

Sweets nodded. "I have that problem, too. Think I'm all done buying presents for everyone and then I go out and buy a few more."

"That's not my problem this year. It's more that I haven't bought a gift for someone." Booth shook his head at himself. Hadn't he just tried to shut his conversation down? Now he was providing just enough information to make Sweets ask him more questions.

"Who haven't you bought a gift for, Agent Booth?" Sweets figured it was Hannah. The woman seemed like someone who would be hard to buy for, considering her nomadic existence. Sure the woman owned almost nothing, but there wasn't much you could buy a person who didn't stay long in one place.

Sweets was pretty sure Booth was ignoring that part of Hannah's personality. He could convince himself otherwise, but in the end Hannah would walk away, the psychologist was sure of it.

"Bones," Booth mumbled. "I haven't bought a gift for Bones."

Not the answer Sweets was expecting. "Why not? She treasures everything you get her, no matter how small. Why would she be the last person you buy for?"

Why did that statement make Booth feel like he'd just been punched? Very uncomfortable, Booth looked out the window, away from Sweets, then back through the windshield. "I'm not sure what to get her," he said lamely.

Which wasn't the problem at all. Booth wanted to give her the world, always had. It just wasn't appropriate now that he had Hannah.

No matter what he still felt for Bones.

Sweets noted the signs that indicated Booth's level of discomfort. Feeling that he was partly to blame for most of it, a heavy sigh filled the quiet interior. "I feel like I should apologize for some of this, Agent Booth."

One eyebrow raised, Booth shot Sweet a surprised glance. "What are you apologizing for?"

"If I hadn't pushed you to make a move outside of the Hoover-"

"Stop," Booth interrupted. "This isn't your fault. Something needed to change between Bones and I. It's clear now that she doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about her."

Realizing Booth probably hadn't caught his use of the present tense, Sweets made no move to correct him. He'd already tried to force Booth and Dr. Brennan together once and it had failed, spectacularly. This time, if they managed to find each other, they would have to do it on their own.

Nodding, Sweets turned toward the window on his side. After a moment of watching the city move past, he turned back. "That still doesn't explain the present."

"It's not the same between us. We aren't as close anymore now that Hannah is here. I truly don't know what's appropriate between us anymore." And he missed that closeness. God, what sort of mess had he gotten himself into?

"Are you still friends?" Sweets asked.

"She's my best friend," Booth admitted quietly. "Maybe Hannah should be, but…" he shrugged his shoulders, unsure of how to explain the difference. Bones knew things about him Hannah would never know, no matter how long they were together.

"Then buy her a gift, Agent Booth. You'll crush her if you don't."

Booth nodded, accepting that Sweets was right. "I tried to give her the best of me. It seemed like a pretty good present at the time. She didn't want it."

Sweets, without thinking, said the first thing that came to mind. "Are you sure about that?"

A glare was the only answer Sweets received. They rode in silence before Booth flipped on his signal and pulled to the side of the road.

"Now," he said, turning sideways to look at Sweets, "just what the hell are you talking about?"

Nervously, Sweets adjusted his tie. "Are you going to kill me for this?"

Booth shrugged. Let the man think what he wanted. A little fear always moved the conversation along. "Why would you ask me that? Bones made it pretty clear she didn't want me in that way."

Knowing in the back of his mind Booth probably wouldn't shoot him, Sweets threw caution to the wind. "Understand that I know very little about what happened after you left my office that night, Agent Booth. I encouraged you to take a gamble, and that was a mistake. A rather large mistake, in my estimation."

Nodding, Booth did nothing to encourage or discourage him from continuing. He'd spent a lot of time in Afghanistan replaying that conversation over in his head. Then, a chance meeting in the middle of a desert, and he'd let himself get lost in another. Someone who wanted exactly what he was offering.

Even if he was only offering half of himself. Some nights, in the dark, he wondered who in the relationship was being cheated more.

"Dr. Brennan loves you, Agent Booth. In my professional opinion, you are the first person she's truly loved since her parents left."

"All because of some book you wrote?" Booth asked with a sneer.

"All because I have eyes and can see what's right in front of me," Sweets countered.

Clenching his jaw, Booth turned back forward and stared out the windshield. "I suppose that doesn't really matter now, does it Sweets? I'm with Hannah. That's where I belong. She accepts what I'm willing to give."

"Then you're a fool, Agent Booth. You had what everyone dreams about right in front of you. You waited five years to tell her your feelings because you were scared to do so, then when she got scared you took off. Five years for you to work up the courage," he said again, driving the point home. "You didn't wait five minutes for her."

Ignoring the growing tension from the other side of the car, Sweets continued. "Of course, like I said, I wasn't there. Is there something in that description that's wrong? Did you try to convince her? Show her all the ways she was wrong? You know Dr. Brennan better than she knows herself. Do you really believe she's not in love with you?"

The slam of Booth's palm against the dash was loud in the SUV. Angry at Sweets' words, Booth worked to control his temper. "This conversation is over," he said softly, reaching to put the vehicle back in gear.

"You're right, it is over," Sweets said. Before Booth could move the car forward again, Sweets threw off the seatbelt and fumbled for the handle of the door. "Go interview the witness yourself, Booth. I'll call a cab to get back to my office."

Watching with an expression Sweets could describe any number of ways, Booth let him go. It was probably for the best they not be together right then.

As soon as the door was closed, Booth pulled away from the curb, only to round the corner and park where Sweets couldn't see him. It wasn't until the cab had picked up his colleague that Booth continued on to the interview.

Back in his office, Sweets dug through his file cabinet to find the manuscript of his book about Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan. He flipped through the pages, trying to decide who he was the angriest at. Agent Booth for giving up so easily, Dr. Brennan for not taking a chance, himself for encouraging the stupid conversation to begin with, or fate in general?

Frustrated, he picked up the pages and tossed them toward the ceiling of his office, watching as they fell to the ground like snow.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Knowing Sweets was right about the gift didn't help Booth. He still didn't know what to get her. As for the rest of it? He refused to think about it. Bones being in love with him was something he wasn't prepared to deal with. It was Christmas and he was with Hannah. He loved her and she loved him. It was a mantra he'd been repeating to himself since she'd shown up in DC.

And Bones loved him and he loved her. A mantra he'd been trying to ignore for just as long. Hearing Sweets say the words just made it worse. Why did the man even need to bring that out into the open?

Still, he needed to get her a gift. Booth had always prided himself on buying things that had great meaning for Bones. Jasper the pig and Brainy Smurf may have seemed silly to others, but he knew Bones treasured them.

After his interview, he wandered around the mall for a time, meandering in and out of stores. Jewelry was a definite no, as were the other gifts prominently displayed for holiday shoppers. Sure there were beautiful things, but none of them were right for his partner.

Confused and frustrated, he found himself sitting in the food court at the center of the mall, watching the people around him. Happy couples, arguing couples, they were all here if you took the time to look for it. Booth wondered what people saw when they took the time to notice him. Did they assume he was single? Married? What sort of fantasies did they invent to explain a lone man sitting in the middle of the mall?

Whatever they thought, Booth was sure it didn't come close to the reality of his life. Could people realize just what a mess he was by looking at him? Did they know he was living with one women and still trying to forget another?

Tossing the cup of coffee he'd purchased, he let his feet take him wherever, not giving the destination any consideration. That was how he found himself in a quiet corner of the mall, in front of a small storefront.

Curious, he wondered how he'd missed this. It was a small book store, not affiliated with any of the larger chains he was familiar with. Giving the lone clerk a small smile, he found himself wandering back to the fiction section first. Sure enough, several of Bones' books were prominently displayed. He picked one up and flipped through it, wondering how many people could say they were best friends with a famous author.

And her inspiration. He felt a momentary twinge of panic for Agent Andy's fate now that he and Bones weren't as close anymore. Would she take out some of her feelings on her imaginary characters? Her muse may be deciding that Agent Andy's time, and perhaps his, was coming to an end.

Shuddering at the reaction of her fans to that plot twist, Booth put the book back on the shelf with a little more force than necessary. Moving away, he wandered back toward the science section of the store.

He was't surprised to find a book here with her name on it as well. Amused, he perused the books nearby, wondering how many more she'd had a hand in. Or how many she had read. Most, if he knew his partner as well as he thought he did.

He spotted a book on the bottom shelf and reached down to grab it. He wasn't sure what made him reach for it, but he went with the instinct that had always served him so well.

It was one of those oversized books that was designed to sit on a coffee table. But it wasn't the size that had called to him. It was the topic. A catalog of fractures illustrated with x-rays. Booth flipped through it, thinking of all the things Brennan had learned about him, just by looking at his x-ray films over the years. What would she discern about the victims in here, just by looking?

Still, it didn't seem like quite enough. He was sure it was something Bones would find fascinating, but it wasn't quite personal enough. He needed her to know that he still treasured her, even if he was with Hannah now.

Inspiration suddenly teased, and he forced himself to relax, allowing the idea to come. And as it did, he smiled, knowing just what he needed to do to make this the perfect gift.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Hey, Bones," Booth said as he entered her office two days before Christmas. She was packing her things to go home for the long weekend.

"Booth," she said, looking up quickly from her task before going back to it. She didn't want him to see the regret or longing in her eyes. This year, instead of spending Christmas with him, she would be alone. And while she didn't believe in his God, she'd still enjoyed spending the day with him.

But he was too perceptive of a man to miss it. He recognized the look and knew he was the one who'd put it there. It also meant there was very little he could do to make it go away.

"I brought your gift," he said. In his hands, he held the book he purchased. He'd wrapped it in his office an hour ago, away from prying eyes.

She looked down at the gift and up at him. "I didn't expect anything from you this year," she admitted. It went without saying that she thought he'd be more worried about what he'd buy his new girlfriend, rather than his old friend.

He raised an eyebrow, faking surprise at her conclusion. She didn't need to know that if it wasn't for Sweets, she might have been right. "Of course, I got you a gift," he reassured her.

She looked back at her bag again. "I didn't get you anything," she whispered. "I wasn't sure what was appropriate now that Hannah was here. I'd normally ask you, but…" she trailed off, shrugging her shoulders.

"Stop," he said, coming forward to place the gift in front of her. "I didn't expect anything from you. It's okay."

Fighting the desire to comfort her, Booth shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'm glad that we're still partners after all these years. Getting to spend time with you is gift enough, Bones."

She sniffed, not sure whether to believe him or not. Stiffening her spine, she looked up at him again, careful to mask what she was feeling. Brennan didn't want to make him uncomfortable. "Is Parker coming this year?"

Booth appreciated her attempt to change the topic to something more neutral. He smiled, his entire body relaxing at the thought of his son. "Yeah, he'll be here Christmas afternoon."

Brennan nodded, knowing that not only would she miss out on spending time with Booth this Christmas, she would also not see Parker. "I'm glad for you," she said, hiding her own pain.

Looking at what Brennan had tucked into her bag, Booth was surprised to see an airline ticket. She hadn't said she was traveling. Before she had time to react, he reached forward and grabbed it.

"Booth, give that back to me," she demanded.

He flipped it over. "You're leaving?"

Using his focus on the ticket to her advantage, Brennan pulled it from his fingers. "I've accepted an invitation to present at a conference in Arizona the week after Christmas. I've got nothing keeping me here this year, so I'm leaving this afternoon."

"Oh," he uttered, shoving his hand back into his pocket. He had no right to be disappointed, but he was. "I guess I should let you get going then."

"Wait," she said, holding out her hand. "Let me open your gift first."

But he refused. "Open it on the plane. It will give you something to do on the flight." Backing away, he stopped at the door to see her running her fingers along the holiday paper. "Merry Christmas, Bones."

"Same to you, Booth."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

She waited until her flight was in the air before pulling the present out of her carry-on bag. She knew from the shape and weight it was a book, and she was curious to see exactly what Booth had purchased for her.

Trembling fingers pulled at the tape. She didn't want to rip the paper. With Hannah in the picture, she didn't expect gifts from him and if this was the last gift ever, she wanted to save every part of it.

A delighted smile broke through when she saw the title. Flipping to the first image, she studied the break, coming to the correct conclusion regarding the injury before reading the description. For her, it was almost like a puzzle book and she looked forward to spending some free time studying the various x-rays.

Still, a small part of her was disappointed that it wasn't more personal. Booth usually gave her something that had special meaning. And while the book was interesting, it wasn't quite what Brennan expected.

Until she flipped to the rear of the book. The pages there were different, clearly added after the book was purchased. Carefully, she turned to the first added page.

It was the image of a leg, with Jack Hodgins name at the top. She didn't need to look at the description beneath it to know it was the x-ray of the leg injured when the Gravedigger had struck him with the car. She'd done surgery on that leg, without pain killers.

There were nights Brennan wasn't sure if it was her screams or his she heard when she woke from that nightmare.

Chasing away the memory, she slowly turned the page. The next was a set of lungs with Cam's name at the top. Howard Epps had threatened them all, but Cam had suffered the most. Inhaling a toxin performing an autopsy, a sick gift from Epps, she came close to paying for the mistake with her life.

It had taken all of them to save her from a serial killer.

The next image contained a set of hands that Brennan recognized immediately. They bore the markers of someone who held paintbrushes frequently and she smiled at the thought of her best friend.

Brennan considered Angela the most human of any of them. She didn't see the world the way the rest of them did. A talented artist who gave victims back their identity, it was right that her skill marked her bones.

Angela had asked her to come for Christmas, but Brennan had refused. She'd rather spend the holiday alone, than spend it trying to fit in. Angela would never make her feel like she didn't belong, but it wasn't where Brennan wanted to be.

Booth's apartment was where she wanted to spend the day. But she didn't belong there anymore than she belonged at Angela's.

Following the hands was a shoulder. She didn't need to look at the name to know it was Booth's. As was the x-ray of the opposite shoulder on the following page. Both injuries sustained when he'd saved her life.

She was surprised when the tear dripped on the page and she hurried to wipe it away before it marked the paper. Thankful she always flew first class, there was no one next to her to ask why she cried.

The moisture was warm on her fingertips. Like Booth's blood had been after he'd stepped in front of a bullet for her. Those two weeks had been the worst of her life, up until these last several months. Brennan wasn't sure if it was easier to lose him to death or to another woman. And it was her own fault she had to decide now.

There were several more images, but she found herself too emotional to look at them. She'd save them for later, when she was alone in her hotel room that night. There would be no one there while she wept.

Flipping the book closed, she was startled when a piece of paper fell out of the back. She retrieved it and unfolded it slowly, immediately recognizing Booth's handwriting.

 _Without you, none of us would be here. Merry Christmas, Bones._

 _-Booth_

Brennan was happy she'd put the book aside, as the tears fell faster. Booth had no way of knowing that she'd been contemplating not coming back to the Jeffersonian after the conference.

Those twelve words would bring her home again.


End file.
